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By Rocko Bonaparte with help of the Central Intelligence Agency
Every spring, the rumors resurface of the existence of female life forms amongst the masses at the Rochester Institute of Technology. While this report is not designed to debunk these theories, it attempts to view the evidence under a skeptical eye. Only overwhelming proof is enough to signify the existence of women on the campus. It is becoming "girl season" again, as the women researchers like to call it. The theory is that as the weather improves, women and girls appear in more ready quantities. Another school of thought claims that these organisms are also present during the winter, but are much less visible. This report will not attempt question these theories, but will be calling upon spring and summer data since these two seasons make up most of the reports.The probability of sightings actually increase in more congested locations.
Places that serve food, for example, have been known to attract women sightings.
This suggests an interest in Earth food and customs. The College of Engineering
has very few woman sightings, and most of the academic buildings do without
them. The exception is building 7, which is a mecca for women sighters.
There is a conspiracy theory that a secret woman base was constructed under
the building, but these claims have yet to be proven. However, the extensive
tunnel work suggests more than what means the eye. Further interests into
this base cannot be discussed under conventional security levels.
A sampling of case files is included with this document.
Each case has a corresponding picture to correspond with the story. Photo
evidence will have to do in the absence of a woman body to examine.
Case #2214 -- April 25th, 2001 14:55 EST, Computer Science Labs
The item of question
is this humanoid present at a computer system. It is rare for such a close
picture of such a creature, which immediately raises doubts. The observer
claims that the creature was distracted by the entrancing images on the
computer monitor. Woman researchers claim that these creatures occasionally
possess insight into operating computer equipment. A warm-blooded circulatory
system is suggested by the fan in the background, or at least the presence
of an endocrine system of some kind. If the facial expressions of this
creature can be trusted, it does seem that this creature is somehow distracted.
Perhaps a "woman trap" of some kind can be developed using a computer monitor
as bait. However, the hypnotizing effect produced by the computer monitor
is known to also apply to man creatures, making the use of such a trap
difficult.
Case #4642 -- May 20th, 1999 11:04 EST, Behind Wallace Library
The two figures encircled in the photograph are the items of interest. Unfortunately, the figures are very dark and it is hard to distinguish if they are women or not. Hence this evidence is controversial. Unfortunately, most women photographs fall under this category. Woman researchers claim women possess a kind of mind-cloaking field that renders them invisible or indistinguishable. This makes them hard to spot, and even harder to contact. The figure on the bench may also be a woman, but it is too hard to tell. This case was shelved due to the desire for much more robust evidence.
Case #9763 -- September 5th, 1998 3:11 EST, Building 7
This is by far the best evidence supporting the existence of female life forms on the planet Earth. It is next to impossible to take a picture this close to a woman, but the photographer claimed to have posed as a woman in order to gain the trust of the creature. This is just one of the many "building 7" sightings that make up the bulk of the reports. These sightings are most numerous and hence have the highest pool of quality photographs. The creature is very alien in appearance, and behaves unconventionally. The mouth is in plain view and can be applied for study.
The teeth are white and well developed. Such teeth would be useful for consumption of grains, meats, and vegetables. This suggests that women can eat Earth food, and explain the many sightings at food service locations at RIT. The only criticism against this photo is the close proximity to the female. Most women disappear when confronted, and it would not be expected that this humanoid would be an exception.
Case #1209 -- May 1st, 2000 14:38 EST, Outside College of Liberal Arts
This photograph was taken in proximity to building 7. An amateur researcher took this photograph while on the way to camp out at building 7. The woman is circled in the photograph. It seems the creature is carrying a bright white object. Furthermore, the shadow is highly suspicious. It is also difficult to spot a woman in the open such as this. Hence, the photo was analyzed for any discrepancies that may discredit this evidence.
There seems to be a rectangular object in the possession of this humanoid. Female technology is not well understood -- There have only been scant discoveries of metallic objects that researchers claim to not be of male origin. However, the existence of a device on the possession of this creature does not necessarily make the humanoid real. The shadow is of a much greater intensity then shadows of neighboring objects, and seems to be at a different angle as well. The image scientist that examined the photograph concluded that the woman was superimposed onto the photograph, and a shadow was airbrushed on to it. Images such of these make up a large collection of the frauds, suggesting RIT woman researchers think they know how to use image-editing programs such as Photoshop. Unfortunately, much time and money must be spent to discredit these images.
Case #8853 -- March 3, 2001 9:55 EST, College of Business
Indoor sightings of women are much more rare, and photographs of them are just as scarce. There are many different stories about "woman abductions," where women appear out of nowhere and take the victims away. There is an apparent loss of time, and abductees never remember the encounter. It is only through hypnosis that these individuals can remember the situation. However, the method of hypnosis is suspicious. A psychologist was able to seed a female abduction scenario into the mind of a devout abduction critic, leading to the conclusion that these abductions are merely the work of the hypno-therapist that is overzealous in proving the abduction phenomenon.
The windows in the image cast an eerie pattern over the scene, making this one of the most chilling photographs to date. The creature is not facing the photographer and probably did not sense his presence. This creature is carrying a device upon its back, further supporting evidence that these creatures have developed advanced technology. An airplane was also overhead at the time of this picture, further suggesting that women travel in airplanes from their place of existence.
Case #0023 -- July 21st, 2000 16:38 EST, Vicinity Behind Wallace Library
This picture was taken from a professional woman researcher on the field. He arranged an ambush in order to catch any women that may attempt to pass by. He was distracted by an airplane and almost failed to capture a photograph of this creature. The researcher suggests that women seem to appear in the presence of airplanes. He inferred that women use planes as a form of interplanetary travel. Unfortunately, this picture is just as weak as his theories. The creature's head is covered by the branches, and the creature seems skinned in a simple manner. The verdict was that the woman was a fake, and was placed in such a way that the researcher could capture a seemingly authentic picture from a dummy.
So far, the project has not proved without a doubt the existence of women on the RIT campus. Their current theory is that men, desiring women, begin to transform themselves to look and act like them. The CIA project concludes that all the women on campus are actually men. Consider this final case:
Case #8894 -- September 21, 1999 10:38 EST, An RIT Building?
The figure in question is barely within the bounds of this blurry photograph. This is a very weak picture, and does not prove whether this figure is a woman or not. It seems from the hair and shoulders of the creature that this is a man slowly turning into a woman. Woman researchers claim the opposite, claiming it is a woman turning into a man. Either way, it is not valid proof that this is a woman.
Hopefully this will redouble the efforts of woman researchers on campus
in the search of female life forms. A government conspiracy is amongst
the list of possibilities, and the truth must be told. Remember that absence
of evidence does not mean evidence of absence, but the critics must be
silenced with incontrovertible proof of the existence of female life forms.
The CIA's Project Pink Book staff is always looking for new evidence of
woman sightings. If you would like to submit a female sighting, send the
image and a brief report to gdt@hellskitchen.org.
Since we are a CIA-funded subversion facility, we can easily forward it
to the correct authorities.
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