Home
Site News
Personal
About me
Pictures
Professional
School
Work
Resume (PDF)
Hobbies
Cooking
OFP
Programming
Writing
Old GDT Articles
Published
Links
Contact
By Rocko Bonaparte
[This article may be dismantled and otherwise edited into this group article we all have in mind. Proceed with a creative mind and vindictive heart.]
The Inconspicuous Can of Beer™ was infuriated that it was not featured in the recent events of the explosive Rochester party scene. Instead, it was substituted with Miller Lite.
"It pisses me off," the Inconspicuous Can of Beer commented, "but I'm not going to cry."
Rather, it has decided it needs to re-assert itself as the liquid sunshine of choice for pale, depressed RIT students. It also plans to expand to the University of Rochester, and somehow make its way over to the West Coast. ICOB surmises that people will be more hospitable to it elsewhere.
"People out in California don't shit bricks and undersea mines when they find out the party isn't serving Canadian beer," it commented. Leaders of the campaign to elect the Inconspicuous Can of Beer for Student Government president blame this on the lack of votes for ICOB's candidacy. They also blame the fact that ICOB is not a marketing major.
"There's a COB in ICOB, but it sure don't mean 'College of Business.'" Anita Beer commented. She is ICOB's beautiful daughter, and managed the campaign for ICOB during last year's elections. Anita says that they will not take a defensive to this slap in the face. Rather, they will take the offensive, and finish what they began.
"Good, affordable happiness. A pat on a shoulder from your best friend, the Inconspicuous Can of Beer™." She said.
However, ICOB continues to mull over his "fall from grace" as he calls it.
"Why Miller Lite? Are they afraid of calories?"
In fact, some of the party attendants were RIT athletes, and had to stay in shape. Hence, when they get hammered on beer, they make sure it doesn't contain that many calories. ICOB retorts, "That's nonsense. I know those bastards were downing Nick Tahou's later in the evening." Anita added that this remark was not made to demean Nick Tahou's in any way. Rather, it was an "insult to the men afraid to sling their bellies around during a race."
"Come on, this is division III we're talking about. Have fun with the sport and then get drunk. These folks are ruining their fun with the sport and their fun with the party."
After some more of this banter, ICOB returned to the Miller Lite issue. "I would have proudly sat in that guy's hand in the flyer. What is his name again? All Simons? Whoever he is, I still wouldn't care. Better than getting warm in the gutter! Those bastards!"
ICOB began to cry.
"I told you . . . I wasn't going to cry."
It whined. Anita interrupted to tell us ICOB will run again for class president
this year. It will also run for homecoming king, queen, prince, princ
Return to GDT Index