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[I was over in Gates visiting my good friend Smackin Higgins. He showed this script for a sci-fi space opera that he had written for GDT. I pitied the fool and performed some minimal editing. To me, it seems like a three-assed dragon eating itself in a circle, but I'm just a computer engineer. Without further ado, here is that powerful tale]
Shaq had to sit down for a penalty. Stealing tiolets is illegal in NBA. SHAQ NO UNDERSTAND! SHAQ WANT TO SHOOT FREE THROW! SHAQ IS LAWFUL MAN! SHAQ LA POLICE OFFICER IN 34597 YEARS!!! SHAQ-FU MAKE GOOD COP! But wait? Since when was there anything about tiolets in the NBA? Something seems wrong...
In the 1920's, the US was firmly involved in the Minuteman missile program. It's original purpose was to send ICBMs over to nuke the Communists, but it served another nefarious purpose as early space research. The missiles were almost as tall as SHAQ EAT THREE PLATE TAHOU! SHAQ WIN SPACE RACE! SHAQ BEAT PURPLE COMMUNIST! SHAQ LIKE PURPLE! SHAQ MAKE PURPLE MOTORCYCLE! BUT SHAQ NOT THE GAY! THE RAINBOW STOPS AT SHAQ! SHAQ NO WANT MAN-BRIE. SHAQ ATTAQ THREE PLATE FROW TAHOU BREAK TEH TIOLET!!!
"I scream, you scream, we all scream for Shaq's man-brie," everybody said at our next D&D meeting. Soon thereafter, we are on a Shaq spree. Our normal dark elf necromancer ruined it for all of us. During his turn he announced, "I WANT TO CAST A SPELL!"
"Why do you want to cast a spell? There is nobody to attack!"
"I want to cast... SHAQ ATTAQ!"
KAZAAM!!
out comes a genie SHAQ ATTAQ! CAST THREE FROW!
SHAQ GOLDEN RAP! GO GO GOLDEN RAP! SHAQ WANTS TO SHOW YOU HIS SUPERFRIEND! SHAQ IN DA HOUSE! WORD TO YOUR MOTHERFUCKER HOMEY G MONKEYCLIP!!! NO SHAQ IN DA SEEN! MY NAME IS TEH PAPER! GIRLS SNUFFING TEH VAPOR UNDER THE SINK FROM GLUE IN BROWN PAPER BAGS!!! NOW THEY SEE ME TEH SKYCRAPER! I TEH ROLE MODEL I SHAQ ATTAQ THREE FROW!!! SHAQ EAT MAN-BRIE AND GROW BIGGER!!! MY SUPERFRIEND IS A NIGGER STOLE MY TIOLET! SHAQ SMASH! SHAQ SMASH POINT GUARD! SHAQ FU MAKE FUNNY NOISE. SHAQ NO WANT TO KILL! BUT SHAQ NO WANT MAN-BRIE. SHAQ NO ANIMAL! SHAQ MAN BUT NO WANT MAN!!!
Shaq stole my tiolet.
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